Penny's Diary 3/3/2068
Me and More
However cruelly she may've been wrenched from her home on
Planet Earth and launched into space, Penny Robinson is
anything but defeated. Brave, strong, and true to the end, the
winsome space warrior creates her own world despite her
dubious circumstances... such as being surrounded by her
nuclear family, without a mall in sight. You can try to break
the spirit of a Space Captive, but don't count on succeeding.
You can take the girl off of Earth, but you just can't take
the Earth outta the girl! She will instead create (drumroll,
please) Penny's World!!
The deal is that I'm creating an excellent video documentary
of our voyage on the Jupiter II. Naturally, I am the
cameraperson and videographer, thank you very much. But
there's a lot more going on with me than just flying around
and having adventures in space and geeking out with my viddy
recorder. You'd think that getting jettisoned from the planet
would finally mean escaping from your parents? But noooo, mine
are right here, along with my brother and sister - so I write
about them here in Penny's World. Of course I like boys, and
my friends, and I'm making plans for my future on Earth, so
those are here, too. And clothes! Can't forget those - I'll
start ranting about style on this very page.
I've also started getting into astrology, so you can look
around for the horoscopes I write - aren't I just a
Renaissance Girl? So well-rounded: I'm a nurse, I'm an
engineer, I'm a supermodel! And I'm not just the President of
Penny's World, I'm a member.
Well anyway, hope you like playing in my world.
Your charming narrator Penny Robinson might look like a loner,
zooming across the cosmos to single-handedly save the world.
But be assured that the adventurous Space Captive adores her
friends, and vice-versa!
Whatever would we do without friends? Think about it...the
whole point of having a "best friend" is having someone you
choose to share your life with. (Note: Compare and contrast
with certain little siblings who tag along with you all the
time. This is not friendship.) Friendship's about laughing
hysterically for hours until you can't remember what was so
funny to begin with. It's when you tell each other what's
*really* going on, and have a soul-searching conversation
about what's actually important. And it's about going out
together and meeting other people who're into having a good
There are so many different types of friendships, too, which
definitely keeps me from getting bored. Sometimes it's all
about finding the right person to *do* stuff with - go places,
see people, try things. I love meeting someone who makes me
feel comfortable right away, and then it turns out we both
love to do the same things. Take shopping, however shallow
that might be. If I'm with good friends, a day at the mall
involves more than just nail polish. It's about *connecting.*
Or take a project: you could start a band with somebody, but
not just because you've got a good voice and he's a good
guitar player. It's that you *click* perfectly. That's what
starts a friendship off right.
Of course, friends don't need to have everything in common. It
helps if you like the same kinds of music, or you're both into
environmental activism, or you both like to weld. But maybe
the bond that connects you isn't so obvious. It could be
spiritual, which doesn't have to mean that you were sisters in
a previous lifetime or something far out like that. It means
that your friendship is so deep, you can talk about everything
and know each other forever and *still* barely scratch the
This sounds pretty hokey, but it's true: You'd do anything in
the world for your friends, and they'd do the same for you.
Even if you have to move far away, you can still feel that way
about each other. Plus you make new friends... Suddenly a
robot is your friend, or a pen-pal you've never met in real
life, or a furry little creature from another planet. With a
true friend, you don't hesitate. I couldn't care less if they
belong to another species. My friends want to go exploring
with me, hurtling into the vast uncharted territories, side by
side, with matching backpacks.
Rocketing into the far-flung reaches of the Universe, our
heroine has a terrible realization...she has brought her
youthful hormones with her into hyperspace! Augh!
Seriously, I can see why boys are supposed to be such a big
mystery. A certain guy looks at you from the corner of his
eye, and your whole stomach drops. It's more of a rush than
breaking through Earth's atmosphere!
But for every boy who makes me feel woozy, there are lots who
just seem like regular people. I mean, they can be really fun
to hang out with, but they don't make my heart go pitter-pat.
If you're like me, you've got some good friends who are boys -
and just friends. Sometimes this gets complicated, because one
of your guy friends will develop a crush on you. You have to
keep their feelings in mind and try not to lead them on,
unless you want to lose a friend. The same thing can happen in
reverse: a guy friend might suddenly look pretty tasty to you,
and if he let you do the puppydog thing on him without
reciprocating, things could get pretty embarrassing.
On the other side of the spectrum you've got Hopeless Crushes,
which can be *so* intense and devastating. The object of your
desire may start out as someone you've never even spoken to -
he¹s just the cutest guy in the universe, and suddenly he's
orbiting your planet. Maybe he starts working someplace you
hang out, or worse yet, maybe he pilots the ship you live on!
Ahem! Hopeless Crushes are exhilirating and horrible at the
same time because you can never, ever *get* them; they're
always too old for you, or taken, or not interested in girls.
You still can't stop yourself from wanting them, though.
In the ideal world, of course, you end up with a guy who makes
you feel all woozy, and you rock his boat too, and you're just
the cutest couple ever. Even so, the whole boys deal is all
about complications. One week, he calls you every night. The
next week, he doesn't call you once. What's up with that? Or
you're too busy to hang out with him one weekend, and he gets
all cranky about it and says something mean to you. Dealing
with boyfriends can be way worse than dealing with
boys-who-are-friends: you have to remember that they tend to
be ultra-insecure. Poor creatures.
A lot of girls ask, "How can I make him like me?" which I just
can't deal with. First of all, you can't *make* him do
anything. Second of all, if you are your wonderful self,
that's the only way to find out whether he likes you or not.
He might "like" you but not *like* you, which makes it doubly
confusing. In either case, you better hope it's you that he's
after, not your popularity level or haircut.
While I love clothes, and I love shopping, I get furious at
this idea that I'm doing it to hide my real self. Or that I
wear what I do just because I want to attract boys with it.
Hello! It doesn't work that way. I know who I am. And I don¹t
need a guy¹s affirmation to know I¹m spectacular. That may
sound arrogant, but it means I never have to ask myself, "Do I
really want this guy, or am I more into the idea of having a
boyfriend?" So my advice to you is, if you really want him,
and if he somehow finds you resistible...well, that¹s his
problem, not yours. There are always more boys.
In the future, the video journals of Penny Robinson, Space
Captive, will be devoured by millions. I will be world-famous,
not merely for my obvious bravery in the face of certain doom,
but for the artistry made so very evident in my documentation.
The gorgeous lighting, the attention to detail, the
Then again, a girl might do well to earn some respectable
degrees, do some scientific work. Like, what happens when a
cluster of neurons in your brain fires at the same moment in
time as a nebula implodes halfway across the universe? Is
anyone studying that? We'll have to create a solar-system-wide
neural combustion engineering staff (naturally, led by me,
with my long history of creative engineering aboard deep-space
vessels *and* my excellent clinical studies on mammalian
I can see it now. The press will ask, "Penny, can you tell us
why you left the Neural Combustion Engineering Unit after
receiving the Nobel Prize? Did you get a better offer?" And I
will explain, "No, I wish to become an opera singer at this
After my astounding career in classical opera, I'll find
myself strangely drawn to the farthest systems of the galaxy
and beyond. The people will speculate: does it have something
to do with her adventures with the Robinson Family? Or is she
on a new quest? Little knowing that I, in my so-very-humble
way, am searching the universe for the secret of World Peace.
"I just wanted to give a little bit back," I'll explain, with
tears in my eyes, once I get home to Earth. They'll get peace,
and I'll get another statue to arrange on the mantelpiece with
my Oscar for Best Direction. Then I can turn my attention to
figure-skating for a few years, before I get down to devising
a pollution-free process for manufacturing plasma coils.
All right, so maybe one person can't do everything. And if
you're too worried about what you¹ll be doing later, you might
miss all the shenanigans that you ought to be pulling *right
now.* Still, you're going to end up somewhere on the
space-time continuum, so you might as well decide where you
want to go and how you want to get there. Me, I want to get
there in the best, most exciting way possible, so I've got
some planning to do.
The world watches breathlessly as famous Space Captive Penny
Robinson careens through wildly-spinning galaxies, recording
her adventures on her trusty video recorder. While she's
renowned for her bravery, skills, and high-flying IQ, our
heroine has a huge weak spot for the good things in life. Yes,
I'm talking hair products here, and clothes, and all the other
stuff I like just for itself.
The act of shopping itself can be a multi-layered experience,
not just this boring thing where you go out and buy something.
It's more like immersing yourself in different worlds and
different textures. Stores have personalities, just like a
city or a planet might, and everything you buy has its own
little personality, too. Yeah yeah, I've been brainwashed by
consumer culture, but shopping is beyond entertainment. It's
like exploring a new planet, finding out what's really there,
and bringing back some of the better fossils. For scientific
There's nothing wrong with expressing yourself through how you
look, either, which is where clothes and accessories come into
the picture. To a degree, you¹re limited by issues of
practicality--like, if you have to wear a one-piece spacesuit
for some mission, there's not a lot you can do about it.
Nothing wrong with being utilitarian. Accessories, on the
other hand, are fantastic because they cover so much
territory: I like to wear a ribbon that shows my sympathy for
environmental causes. That's free, and it says something. But
expensive things like your computer or your car can be
accessories, too; they tell the world how you see yourself. Or
how you wish other people would see you.
I'm really into hair, but my mother constantly tries to make
me look conservative. Older people seem to forget that the
Earth is still turning and that everything changes... not just
the big stuff, like high-speed space travel, but the small
things. Hairstyles, for one! I definitely believe that hair is
an ultra-optimum toy. You can dye it, cut it, curl it, or
spike it, and it always comes back to normal. Plus, if a huge
audience is going to be watching your fabulous self, which is
what's going to happen to me with my video diaries, you don't
want them looking at a ratty old hair-don't that crawled out
of the wrong year. I'm not being shallow, here--it's more like
being aesthetically polite to the audience.
Some people believe that caring about how you look is just
wrong, but I notice that most of them dress just like each
other. Hard to call that a coincidence. I don't think it
should be taken too seriously - wouldn't that ruin it? - but
girls can be girls without getting grief for it.
As part of her enslavement, the Brave Space Captive Penny
Robinson is forced to stand guard over the traitor. Who is, of
course, a thoroughly repugnant example of how low humanity can
go. I'm not even sure you can call them humans when they get
What we have here is called a creep. They come in a colorful
assortment of sizes and shapes, but they've got a few things
in common. A weaselly smile, for example, is usually a dead
giveaway, although an ultra-creepy creep might just look sad
and try to get your sympathy. Creeps lie. They cheat. And
they'll do anything to manipulate you into doing what they
want - anything but be on the level. Some creeps are genuinely
evil, like the ones who try to blow up planets or kill people
or strike down the Endangered Species Act just to make another
corporate dumping ground for pollutants. Some creeps are more
pathetic than dangerous, lurking around and feeding off the
scraps of other people's lives. Others pull reprehensible
scams and seduce nice humanoids into doing cruel and stupid
But all creeps suck. They have absolutely no excuse for being
in my face, that's for sure. Why do they exist at all? Maybe
it's a religious thing, like God created creeps and little
brothers just to *test* worthy humans like me! To see whether
we could stand to have 'em around and not throw 'em out of an
airlock! I guess the reason we let them live is that we're
*not* creeps, so we can't just let their sick selves die and
stop calling us "dear" and stuff.
Mere humans, however slimy and icky they may be, are not the
only things that suck in this great universe of ours. What
about snack foods containing whipped beef tallow that clings
to the roof of your mouth so you can really taste the granular
sugar molecules suspended in it? Or the fact that Snuggles the
Bear now has a full 24-hour cartoon channel? Ewww. Suckage and
creepage are *all around us,* which sometimes makes life seem
very horrorshow. But you can't get away from creepiness, even
on a spaceship. So creating a good society is about learning
to deal with the creeps, but in a way that doesn't make *us*
Brave yet sensible, stylish yet smart, Space Captive Penny
Robinson takes a moment from rescuing her dim-witted parental
units from certain death and dismemberment. She looks
glamorous in her contemplative way, with spikes of chestnut
hair framing her soulful eyes.
It's strange but true - Penny Robinson was kidnapped, not by
terrorists, but by her own parents. Forced to abandon her very
*life,* Penny has managed to make the best of a terrifying
situation: she is surrounded by her family *all the time.*
There is no escape in sight! But clever Miss Robinson should
not be underestimated. Her fellow mutants in this genetic
nuclear-child-rearing pod might think they've succeeded in
brainwashing their youngest daughter, but oh no. She's a few
steps ahead, and will not be lured into their vapid way of
living! Even as it saps the strength of her very life-force,
Penny resists... No... No... No!! You will *not* turn me into
a Robinson Space Zombie like yourselves! You shall never
I thought the suburbs were hell, but at least there I could
get away. Here it's family this, togetherness that, 24-7. Dad
goes off into his Mister Serious Scientist mode and it's *so*
predictable. He might as well be going to an office job in,
like, the 1950s. At least he's not sexist or anything - I
mean, he only talks to scientist-people, right? So he doesn't
care what gender they are. That's something, I suppose. But
he's barely even there. I can't believe he won't just talk to
Will and encourage him - my little brother may be irritating
beyond belief, but he is smart and he really can help out the
adults. Dad just ignores him.
Mom is far more annoying. Doesn't she have anything better to
do than push my frickin' hair out of my face?? Or complain
about my music?? She actually told me to watch my language
today. Watch my @#$^ language?? Mom, what planet have you been
living on? How could you possibly fail to notice that your
precious daughter has not only been severely traumatized by
her recent kidnapping to outer space, but that she's not eight
years old anymore?!?
The worst is when they pretend to understand. "Oh, ha ha,
you'll grow out of that," they'll say. Uh, yeah, sure I will,
Mom. I'm sure *her* parents thought that *she* might grow out
of being so dull, but that never happened! Then there's the
soothing agreement act, which they only use if we got in a
fight sometime earlier that day. "Well, that *is* a very nice
piercing, dear." A really lame attempt at reverse psychology,
Or they'll try to indulge me, like you would do to a little
kid. They smile secretly at each other and say, "Yes, I'm sure
your Environmental Conservation Organization is doing a lot of
important work," but they obviously don't think a group of
teenagers could *possibly* accomplish anything relevant.
Seriously. They think nothing I do is *real* - except when it
happens to save their lives. You know, the stars start looking
kinda weird when you're right inside of them all the time, day
and night. The space-time mystery has been pursued for
bazillions of years on Earth, and one of the ways is through
astrology. So the savvy star-surfing space captive has
invented her own Daily Horoscopes!
You know, the stars start looking kinda weird when you're
right inside of them all the time, day and night. There's
definitely more going on with all this than the usual physics
stuph. I mean, how come the most scientifically advanced
ancient civilizations followed the stars for astrology, too?
So, in addition to writing a buggy program that is supposed to
chart my astrology while in motion aboard the ship, I've been
writing some Earth-centric horoscopes.
I'll write your sign an update every day, but keep in mind
that there are tons of factors going on with horoscopes. Sure,
it only takes a minute to read them for fun, but if you start
getting into astrology? Whoah! A person could geek out on this
stuff for decades!
Here in my World, though, I just wanna stick to Sun Signs.
That's what people mean when they ask, "What's your sign?"
It's also the horoscope you read, and it's determined by where
the sun was in the sky when you were born. If you were born on
Earth someplace on June 16, 1982, for example, your Sun Sign
would be Gemini.
To make your daily horoscope, you look at where the planets
and suns and moons are *right now.* Hopefully, they line up
well with each other and with your Gemini sun! I'll do my best
from within the stars to tell you about what's coming up each
day on the horoscope front.
You're a veritable communications center today, Cap. Between
all the phone calls, emails, letters, heavy conversations with
significant others, and faxes, there’s more transactions
coming from your sector than ever. Hey, that's a good thing.
Lonesome is not a moniker you wear easily, Capricorn, so enjoy
all the attention, even if it is driving you a little batty.
Gargle with some salt water and sage oil so you can preserve
that pretty voice.
Today’s a superduper day for putting a plan into action.
You're naturally cooperative, Scorpio, so put those
people-skills to use by getting some support for a recent
dream or vision that you've been wanting to make a reality.
Sometimes it's tough to make a sacrifice of time and energy
when the pay off seems so uncertain, but if you don't believe
in what you're doing, who will? Be your greatest fan today,
What would Laurel be without Hardy? Thelma without Louise?
Hans Solo without Chewbacca? The name of the game today is
PARTNERSHIP. If you've been riding stag and lonesome, now's
the time to hook up with a compadre. This could be in the love
sector of your life, or it could be in the work sector. No
matter where this person fits into the cosmic and comic puzzle
that is your life, welcome him or her with open arms. And a
home-cooked meal if possible! Or at least a cappucino and
Today the Sun is radiating in Aries and the Moon is mellowly
illuminating Gemini. This is a stellar, totally inspirational
alignment for you, Aquarius. Indulge in your creativity today.
Write a love poem, buy your sweetie some gardenias, bring out
your old watercolor set, paint your bathroom sapphire. Make
everything in your surrounding shine, from the music you play
to the food you cook up. Try and create an atmosphere of
serenity and artistic intensity, then kick back and enjoy.
You know that travel agency that you always pass by, gazing at
the exotic posters, but never step inside? Today is the day to
open the door and take a peek, Libra, whether we're talking a
metaphorical gander or the real thing. It's a great time for
you to plan a trip, preferably with your sweetie. I'm not
saying hop on a plane and go. Plan a little. Learn a language.
Buy some guide books. Run a search on the Net. And dream! Set
a wheel in motion and soon you will arrive.
Yesterday was all about SUBTLETY, Leo, and today we’re talking
ORGANIZATION. I know, I know, two of your least favorite
words! But just because you don't like em’ doesn't mean the
concepts aren’t good for you. So brush off that dusty day
planner and get busy! You’ll feel so much better if you get
your papers in order, pay your bills, answer some of those
letters from glamorous locations, and make a big ole to-do
list. You're a natural techie, so if you've got a cool
software planning program, give it a spin.
Lately it probably seems like everything is changing way fast.
Everyone goes through times when it feels like the rug is
being pulled out from under your feet. Just remember, cities
usually don’t crumble in a day (or a week!). There's actually
a slow, steady beat beneath the chaotic rhythms you’re
feeling. Hang onto it, Cancer, and take a deep breath. I know
it's a cliché, but change is good! There are some awesome
developments taking place in your life. Just stay away from
the double espressos for a while.
Ever feel like you know exactly where you're going, but forces
beyond your control keep annoyingly pushing you off course?
This predicament can be particularly excruciating for
strong-willed Taurus folk. Your focus and determination can
make you a little headstrong and resistant to outside
influence. Yeah, that's a good thing when the outside
influences suck. But what if they're right on? The winds
pushing you towards something unplanned today may be a good
thing, Taurus. Try to have an open mind.
Today the Moon slides into Taurus, your hot-headed neighbor.
You may be feeling’ the itch to ditch, the urge to purge, the
desire to get the heck outta dodge. A tropical destination is
probably looking pretty sweet right now. If you're chained to
your desk, take heart, voyager. Your wanderlust will still
make your life shine if you channel it into something else.
Put a creative, other-worldly spin on a project you're working
on. And don't forget your sunscreen and flip-flops!
It could be a whirlwind of a day for you, Pi. You thrive on
activity, as long as you stay centered. Remember that today as
the plans pile up and the phone rings off the hook. It may
seem like everyone around you is freaking out, so make a list
of all the things that mellow you out and start chillin.
Listen to some music with the lights out, or try watering your
plants (they probably need it!). Take a stroll by a body of
water, or if you're landlocked, take a bath and light some
candles. Be the eye in the center of the storm and you'll
weather the tempest well.
Get your compass out, Virg. Looks like you're coming up on a
time of flux and change. Yee-ha! If you go with the flow,
great things could be store for ya. It'll only suck if you're
rigid and resist the tides. So, how can you prepare yourself?
Take stock of your feeling and thoughts now. Buy a journal and
start writing down what’s been going on in that poised, cool,
creative soul of yours. The trick is to find some order in the
chaos when it comes. And you can do it if you know where you
stand ahead of time.
A Not-Exactly-Objective View of My Shipmates
Uh. Well, he's my brother--it's not like I get to trade him in
for the upgrade. He's majorly smart about stuff like robots
and computers, but a bit lacking in the social skills/real
life department, if you know what I mean. Sometimes I just
think his neurons aren't firing properly. (You know, one of
those unfortunate bio-genetic mix-ups. ) He is good in an
intergalactic crisis, though. While everyone around us--namely
Mom and Dad--are going full-on radioactive, he manages to help
them get a grip. My mission is to help him grow up a bit,
Ouch. Could he be cuter? I don't think so. Sue me, I'm
shallow. Don's got that space- cowboy-with-no
operating-instructions kind of thing going on. He's someone to
whom--in a moment of weakness--I might even dedicate my
enslavement on this ship. But of course all he wants to do is
play connect-the-stars with my big sister. Naturally. It's
gonna be a trick, finding myself a high tech, low-maintenance
hottie in outer space. The pickings are, shall we say, slim.
Beautiful? Check. Braniac? Check. Guys hyperventilating for
the chance to share a fleeting molecule of her personal air
space? Check. That would be my sister. Okay, so she's a
brilliant doctor whose every waking moment is devoted to a
scientific breakthrough, but basically, she's still just my
older sister. She's so busy trying to save the
world--literally--she doesn't always see what's going on in
right in front of her. I used to be totally threatened by her
school-smarts and gorgeousness, but now how I have skills she
totally lacks. I'm the street-smart, socially savvy one who
truly understands human nature; she's the egghead who
sometimes forgets how to have fun and live in the real world.
And, for the record, she once broke out majorly on her
forehead. (I have it on tape.)
Mom is well-meaning but completely invested in refusing to see
me as a sentient grownup. She lives to brush my hair out of my
eyes, smile condescendingly, and make That Face. You know the
one I mean. The look of deep concern that mothers have when
you ask them the tough questions they don't have the answers
to. I understand she's just trying to do her job, to protect
me from the great unknown. But, excuse me, Maureen, when are
you going to wake up and smell the particle dust? I'm not a
The entire galaxy worships my father. It's very annoying. He's
this heroic scientist genius type. Which means, like most
geniuses, he's short-tempered and always preoccupied with
weighty matters. He doesn't have a lot of time--either actual
physical time or emotional time--for me or my sibs. (Will is
so desperate for attention from him it's kind of pathetic.)
Still, even if he's missed some major events in our lives,
he's pretty cool--making major scientific discoveries, showing
me how to fix things and letting me screw around with all
kinds of gadgets. He's never acted like girls aren't as smart
or capable as boys, which I definitely appreciate. I think
I'll keep him.
Can you say "sleazoid"? There is just something about him that
causes me to begin to experience reverse peristalsis with my
stomach contents--i.e., he makes me want to hurl. With that
evil smirk and that totally fake, pretentiola way of talking;
he is soooooo condescending. It's like he's living in some
permanent time warp. Um, hello, the auditions for 20th century
James Bond villain tryouts are down the hall? I swear if he
calls me "dear," one more time I'm gonna clock him with my
video camera. But hey, his ugly head would look better with a
dent in it, anyway. Honestly, I'm still not sure what he's
doing on this ship, so I'm keeping an eye on him. The camera
is all-seeing, all-knowing.
Me on Me
I am an unappreciated genius. I know that might sound arrogant
and unrealistic, as in "Earth to Penny" or whatever, but it's
true. Sure, no one really notices when I silently set forth
with my trusty video camera documenting the highs and lows of
our strange and wondrous journey aboard this ship. Sure, I'm
treated with dismissals and condescending smiles. But someday,
when my space journals are devoured by millions, they'll
realize that I am a visionary--a storyteller, a journalist and
a novelist and a filmmaking auteur. Human lives are short; art
lives forever. And whoever tells the story controls the
narrative. I'm the one whose version of events will live in
Check out the highlight reel: I've saved my sister's life,
befriended and cared for a lost, lonely space pet, and
survived being stranded in the middle of an alternative
universe determined to destoy my sense of who I am. But the
best part is, I've learned that a girl like me can accomplish
great things. Even when she's trapped on a tin can careening
Scavenged from the official site.